Friday, January 30, 2009

Are You Blue?

I am a little blue. Just a bit mottled around the edges. Not a deep dark dreary sort of blue, but blue just the same. Maybe it is the weather - always a good blue scapegoat. Maybe it is the book "19 Minutes" by Jodi Picoult that I am reading. It is a fictional take on a Columbine-type school shooting. Columbines are blue. The book is engrossing and well written but the subject matter is less than joyful. If a book is good, I sometimes have a hard time coming out from under the fog of it.

Maybe it is the fact that my Dad is blue. Bluer than I am. Iowa winters are long and tedious, but they are even more so when one seems trapped in a house, and I would imagine your own body, by Parkinson's disease. We try to stop in, try to make small talk, try to make him feel better, but sometimes there are no more words or actions and we are all just blue.

Maybe I am blue because the Captain and I went on a date but ended up arguing. Marriage is hard work. Were my expectations too high? Was I just being unreasonable because I was already feeling a bit blue? I don't know.

Maybe we have to know a little blue so that we can appreciate those moments when we are -in the words of Jane Austen- incandescently happy. Or in the words of the Bible, when much to our delight, joy cometh.

One thing I do know, I have not been drinking a silver colloid to treat dermatitis like this man, Paul Karason.

Until morning then,



Kim said...

Goodness gracious, you do have a case of the BLUES. Know I'll be praying Colossians 1:9 that you may be strengthened with might and joy for all your patience and longsuffering -How wonderful for your father to have a daughter that loves him and feels his pain. You do "get it" just as Marissa does. I'm in awe of your posts. I know I'll see a Rose post, sometime.

The B Keeper said...

((HUGS)) from a far-away friend....

Annie H. said...

love your honesty. it's so appealing. and heart touching. know that you are not the only blue one. I get a case of the blues every week... my heart hurts... for many of the same reasons. I determined a long time ago that God gave me the ability to feel deeply... and that affects me both positively and negatively. It's that thorn in my side that I have to learn to live with and grow from. Hang in there, friend. Sunny skies are around the corner. here is how I expressed it one time.