Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Blog Award? ME?









My first blog award...how exciting!



Annie sent this my way - thank you so much!

Here are the official rules:
1) Admit that ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!
2) To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!
3) Send this to FIVE other Moms of the Year that deserve forgiveness and a reminder that they, too, are the best moms they can be!!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you!"

There are many things that pop into my head when I read #1. There was the time I forgot to pick up Marissa at school when they had an early out. I rushed into the school office to see her sitting there, head bowed and tears silently streaming down her face. I remember the time Maren (with her lifejacket on thank goodness) slipped off the back of my brother's boat into Lake Okoboji, she panicked and I froze, could not move. Thank goodness my sis-in-law Michelle had the clear head to jump in after her.

When I was doing my narrative for my VP3 class, one of what I have always felt was my worst mothering moments came to mind while I was writing it. I had just gone back to work after Marissa was born. I had about a half hour commute and my shift started at six-thirty - that would be AM. I would get up at 4:30, get showered, wake Marissa up at 5AM, breast feed, get dressed, pack her in the car, leave the house by 5:30, drop her off at daycare by 6AM, find a parking spot at work, hope for an open elevator and barely walk into the MICU at St. John's Medical Center in Tulsa, OK in time to get report for the coming 12 hour shift.

One evening my shift went long and I didn't get done with my shift until about 7:15PM. The daycare was right on the hospital campus, but the attendant was unhappy with me for being late. The Captain was gone on a trip. Sweet Marissa was always a bit fussy in the evenings and this night was worse than usual. I could not cope. She would not STOP crying. I laid her in the crib and I

shut

the

door.

I left her crying in the dark for who knows how long. I don't remember. It was not my actions that bothered me most, but the deep dark place my mind went in that moment. A place where mothers do shake their babies out of frustration and despair. A place where someone tells you you do not deserve to be a mom.

I do think that in my worst mothering moment, God gave me the grace to make it my best mothering moment. I didn't hurt my baby, and that night I made the decision to work only part-time and only in eight hour shifts for that season in my life.

So I release this bad mommy moment out into the endless ethernet. It is well with my soul. Actually Sweet Marissa had given me a nice little Mommy Award in church last Sunday. I'll take that one too!


1) I love it when the delicate Princess Maren laughs so hard she snorts.
2) I love their sweet kisses.
3) I love the way their hair smells after having a bath.
4) I love the fact that Marissa can still snuggle on my lap and still wants to do so.
5) I love it when they giggle together.
6) I love to watch them greet their daddy after a long trip.
7) I love it when they talk to Jesus in their own words.
Now I will send this on to:
Dawn at The B Keeper
Kelly at Beaty Blooming Blessings
Kim, you tag Rachel and I will talk three other friends into starting blogs so I can tag them. What fun!

4 comments:

Annie H. said...

I think (no, I know) that all moms have those dark moments you speak of. thank you for bringing them out of the closet because that is the stuff of life. it happens. but God pulls us through, often with lessons learned. blog blessings!!!

Kim said...

You are so brave to bring that out into the light! Shannon, you are a beautiful person and your posts encourage me so...

'Captain Craig' said...

SGB, I'm sorry that I was gone then, and I'm still gone, sometimes. God has kept us both in the grip of his Grace, and that's reflected in the beauty of your honesty!

LUV-

CMB

Mom said...

You SO deserve this award. I am so inspired by your submission, to use an outdated but relevant word.

By your ability to look life (your life) in the eye with a certainty that tomorrow will be better (maybe) and that today is the real reason that you are here.

May you always know that God's grace is sufficient even when you don't feel it.